My Baby Boy

ConorBoy2011 - 04:26pm Dec 7, 2011 EST

I went into labor on Dec 2, 2011 at 4am and went to Providence Hospital in Everett because of back pain and lower pain down there. I was told I was in labor and would give birth sometime today or tomorrow' was in labor for about 20 hours had Conor on Dec 3, 2011 he is 3 months early. He was 3 pounds 2 oz and 18 inches long. He might have to be in the hospital my full term which is Feb 21, 2012. He has a breathing tub, a port, he has jaundice so he is under a special light, he has a heart murmur' he is such a fighter and such a trooper he is staying strong.
It's so hard to see him in there and I'm trying to stay strong for him but it's hard not to break down and just cry my eyes out. God is with us is what I have to remember every step of the way. And we will be home sooner than later.
I have to remain strong for Conor cuz he needs me ' he is so beautiful ' makes my heart melt every time I see him.
I feel so full emotions and feel so lost at times cuz I can't do anything to help him' I feel at fault but they keep telling me my body couldn't go full term' his umbilical cord was way to short and he wanted out. I just wish it could of been around my do date you know' I hate seeing him in here so helpless and little.
I got to hold him the day after he was born for like five minutes made me smile and feel so loved. But can't hold him when ever I want which makes me so sad. I get to put my hands in his little home for now and sooth him which is great cuz I want him to know I love him more than life it's self.
It's going to be a long long journey but we will make it ' God is surrounding us with angels and his love his with us each and everyday.