Why My Life Was Changed Forever

Mariahsmama - 07:04am Mar 11, 2012 EST
My name is Brooke.

I knew I was going to have my baby early from about 17 weeks into my pregnancy. I went for a regular check up and was told "The baby is small" after that I went to a specialist and found out my amniotic fluid was low, she was growth restricted, and her bowel was dialated (they thought she had down syndrome). I saw the specialist twice a week, and we literally took it day by day and kick by kick! I was so terrified that my baby girl was going to die inside of me! At what I thought was 31 weeks I went to monitor her heart beat as usual (and twice a week I prayed they would find a heart beat!) At that point it dipped down and I was sent to L&D for 24 hour monitoring. I honestly thought I was going back home until about 5am a different specialist came to do an ultra sound and his exact words were "We have to get this baby out before she *#&@ing dies, I can not believe they haven't gotten her out sooner she only weighs a GD kilo!" I'll never forget how fast they moved me for a c-section and one of the doctors peeking in the room telling me my daughter was coming early and not to expect her to be pretty! Like I cared! Mariah was born July 2, 2010 weighing 2lbs .04oz & 13inches. She did not have down syndrome and came off the vent quick and pretty much straight to the canula. Less than a month later her lungs collapsed and she was put on an occilator with nitrik oxide, she wouldn't tolerate the vent for weeks to come, I couldn't touch her or even talk near her for over a month because every time she was touched her stats would drop! My worst night in the NICU was when her heart rate and o2 dropped so low nurses and drs came running and they were bagging her and nothing would happen, I was frozen in fear thinking "I'm literally watching my daughter die" I couldn't move I watch the monitor, my daughter, and the faces of the people trying to save her life!! Finally her nurse came and pretty much pushed me out of the room, she recovered. I did get the talk of there may come a time when you will have to let her go, and then the midnight phone call from the dr. telling me they were going to try "one last thing" (that may affect her IQ) WELL that ONE LAST THING did not work and my baby girl still survived. Her DR would say every day to us and family "She was in the valley of death, a true miracle" 128 days later and only one surgery for a G-TUBE my daughter was released from ICU weighing 6lbs, with an apnea monitor, oxygen & her feeding machine. This whole time I was also a mom to a 7 year old boy and I would have to try so hard to put on a happy face for him and as impossible as it sounds it was! He was such a strong little boy who would literally talk me out of crying. Thank God for family! My daughter was admitted into the PICU on Christmas Eve with RSV for 1 week. Again in January for breathing problems for 1 week. Then right before her first birthday she came off the oxygen for good, she still has her g-tube, and has yet to touch the charts for weight and height! Being the mother to a preemie has changed my life drastically! I hope by telling my story it can give hope to at least one other preemie mom who is experiencing this roller coaster ride of a new beginning!~