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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(2 members)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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gregery'smam…6 |
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LBT
liz loschinskey |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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UPDATE-SHMUPDATE
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Jul 09, 2012 06:13pm (EST)
Hello everyone!
Our Pittsburgh March for Babies was awesome. It was last month, it was great. Mike and I volunteered, as our walk is at a different county/site. I will say this...Our family teams tent was the most FABULOUS tent there. Just sayin'. I cried a little, I can't tell if it was due to my emotions with Mikey's week or because it was so blazing hot out. 85* at 4.30 in the morning is rediculous.
Nothing new with me, SSDD.
Tori is doing very well. She is getting so smart. Like smart, smart. Remembering everything. Singing along to a whole song from her Vacation bible school cd. She sings along to the whole cd, but crystal clear on the words of one of the songs. Heck, she even sings word for word Adele in the car. She remembers where she leaves things, remembers where her secret stash of goldfish are. Knows where Raskal's(dog) toys are hidden. Knows when we are driving to grandma's vs. the market, because she tells me. She's using proper pronouns, verbs, adjectives...everything! It's clicking in her head when she has 5 wedges of apple, she is counting them..1,2,3,4,5 pieces of apple. Counts to 23, knows her alphabet, all the words to most popular nursery rhymes. It is amazing to me, to know where she came from, to what she is now. It is amazing, to me.
To every positive is shadow. Still, we are weighing 20 pounds. It's been over 5 months and we still weigh 20 pounds. I will not get frazzled by this. She is healthy. She eats when she is hungry. The duocal isn't doing anything for us. Honestly it seems like a waste of $100 bucks a month.
Our weather has been INSANELY hot and humid. Heat index's of 100+. I'm talking weeks of this. You know, when we get discharged from the pulmonary department at Children's, I ASSumed she was going to be fine. An ER trip later, due to not breathing properly, she was ok. She couldn't go from the house to the car to the next house. She would have these bronchial spasms, coughing till she puked if we didn't catch it with the nebulizer in time. Everytime she went outside this was happening. That kind of stuff scares the crap out of me. Ultimately, she is fine. Doing one breathing treatment before bed and still has a clear snotty nose, but she is fine.
We are done with early intervention in a few months as well. That in itself scares me. Will I be good enough? Will I make the right choices for her? Will I teach her the right things? I've failed this girl to almost losing her when she was born, I can't let something of that caliber happen to her, again.(I know, I sound so dramatic, but this is how I feel at times)
Me? I keep truckin' on. We go to the gym 5-6 days a week, now. Benefits my fat a$% and benefits Tori's social skills and behavior. I am trying to get healthier for her and I. 1) so I can keep up with her and 2) seriously? I need to lose weight. It's working, because my boobs are shrinking.
Totally hoping to get to SU this year. Fighting myself over me going and me not being able to take my family to Disney. I will get guilt stricken A) I want you guys to meet Tori and  I want her to meet Mickey.
Love and light-
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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HIT THE BRAKES!
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May 28, 2012 01:13pm (EST)
You know when you are attempting to avoid an accident and you slam on your brakes and your car is slowly moving twards the accident, yet you are not stopping...
This is how I feel. Tomorrow will be impact. Tomorrow will be impact for a week long car accident.
Mentally, I'm doing suprisingly well, keeping myself busy, sweating profusely due to heat and humidity, boating on the rivers.
I hate heat.
I loathe the week of 5/29.
Rest well, sweet Mikey.
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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ON MY TOES TO THE HIGHER GROUND...
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May 18, 2012 08:33pm (EST)
hi.
2 things.
I have taken the higher ground and full heartedly given my SIL the comfort I know she deserves as a mother. Her and I often butt heads, but she is my family and I know, as a mother, what she is going through. I've offered every thing from knowledge to childcare to her in the upcoming weeks.
and
I've been keeping myself on my toes as for keeping my mind off of things. Instead of going to one extreme, dreading the week of my sweet son's life, I've been going to the other extreme of convincing myself,this morning, that I had cancer. I woke up this morning to a lump in my armpit, that appeared red, and tender to the touch. I panic'ed. Called my sister at 8 in the morning, then called my dr's office at 9, who got me in by noon. I left the dr's office with a script for antibiotics as he assured me it was nothing more than an infection under my skin, in my armpit. Nothing, right? I was convinced this morning it was so much more.
I tell you, I am not right upstairs. I am fine, I'm sure. I go back to the doc's in 2 weeks.
Bah...
Oh yeah, this is what my daughter does to me everyday....E V E R Y D A Y...either while doing laundry or unloading the dishwasher...yes, this is poop....Cute, eh?
ps-the picture was of her and her pants down with poop all over her hands and self!
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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OH SHOOT...
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May 15, 2012 04:00pm (EST)
Oh shoot....
I am the worst sister in law ever.
Yes, the same SIL that I am in constant battle with went for her first ultra sound on this pregnancy, this morning. There was no heartbeat.
I feel like a pile of cow dung for arguing with her, for being jealous, just because.
blah...
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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HI.
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May 14, 2012 03:04am (EST)
Happy mother's day.....
My heart is in Maine. I had my whole congregation praying for the StClair's this morning. Tomorrow is a big day for them.
Have I been getting choked up all day? Yes. Has it been raining all day? Yes. Do I still want to punch my SIL in the head with a high heeled shoe? Yes. Especially after she showed her ass today. I let that bleepidy bleep ruin my whole day. The whole day consisted of eating. Well she ruined my appetite at her house, literally, I helped Tori eat and didn't eat a thing because she just repulsed me with her horrible attitude, and raising her voice to me about something I didn't even do, to the point I cut her off in mid-sentence and said firmly, "OKay, K" making direct eye contact and giving her a dirty look, and didn't talk to her for the next 2 hours then we left. FU bleepity bleep. I didn't say anything of that nature, instead I cried about it on the way home. She is so sneaky and pulled her little stint while my husband was outside, even her mom told her to chill. Bleeping bleep.
Did Tori and I have a good day after 3pm? Yes. She puked yesterday in the car. Booo...she was doing so well. She hadn't puked since 4/22. We go back to children's on Thursday and I hope we get discharged from Pulmonary. Actually, I've been praying on it for 2 weeks. Wouldn't that be greaat! However, normally when I get my hopes up, they get smashed into the sidewalk like a wad of gum.
I think I have too much time on my hands to sit here and ponder what I'm going to do to keep my mind off of things over the next few weeks. Mike witnessed me crying in the car(I don't cry, even tho I've been secretly crying on and off for weeks now), so he says we will start our garden tomorrow, ASSuming it doesn't rain all day again.
Blah, I'm a miserable female dog. Trust me, If I could hide in my super number sleep bed with my big screen tv and the fire place going in our bedroom, for days I would stay up here, under these blankees, blinds down with my dog, and pray she doesn't piss on the bed due to her being sick. No kids, no husband, no family, no human contact. I would be wonderfully miserable. Throw in a bag of veggie chips and some pizza, pure bliss.
love ya guys, thanks for listening to me whine....
Liz
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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CHILDREN'S AND UPDATE.
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May 03, 2012 08:17pm (EST)
hi. i'm just here to whine. like, I don't even care about my punctuation or spelling.
Storms last night had Tori up from 240a till about 4a. And the sick dog with the kidney failure is not allowed upstairs anymore, so of course, she's at the bottom of the steps whining and howling as this storm(thunder/lightning/wind/kinda scary) is rolling through.
My alarm is set for 6 am to have the house up and ready to get T to an appointment at Children's in the gastro dept. Great right? The appointment went well, my motherly worries got the best of me in the waiting room, in the car, staring out the window at the appointment, stratigically planning our next move with Tori. Really everything was fine we made an appointment for an upper GI, which is fine. More radiation on her petite little body. She weighed in at 20lbs, 5 ounces. She is in the 15th percentile for 31inch girls. So we left there, upper GI, swallow test and a script of prilosec. And finally someone agree's that puking 4-5X's a week is not normal.
Also, scheduled a pulmonary check up for the 17th at Children's. I pray on everything we get discharged. Children's is a scary place, for me. Like, I'm tearing up just thinking about it....There is absolutely no reason to be crying or even think about crying but I have been for nearly 2 weeks now. Like I thought of Lauren in the car wearing my movie star glasses trying not to cry over nothing.
It's so effing hot outside, the car read 93, I got in the house after the gym around 3pm and the house was at 80, the upstairs was over 90....Air is on, now and the house is down to 74*.
Jealousy is such a horrible thing, I still want to punch my SIL in the head for being pregnant, I just avoid contact until I can get my emotions under control.
Emotions under control, I dread it, Absolutely dread the week of 5/29-6/03 like I want to curl up in a ball and today is only the 3rd. I pity my husband, he's been getting yelled at everyday for no reason....well a stupid reason at the time. And I know my kid thinks I'm a weirdo when I hug her and just cry. I stare at her breathing while she's sleeping, I watch her every movement, it's almost weird to me. I listen to her talk to herself or talk to the dog and I tear up. I tear up when she empties her poopy diaper and smears it on the wall/floor/herself(Which she has just picked this habit back up, the past 4 days have been poop days).
I keep trying to read up on my mental health, like is this healthy to still be back in my daughters hospital days...Should I still be dreading Children's, should I still be comparing her life to the NICU, should I still be comparing her to her brother? Should I still be mourning her brother 10 years later as if it were last week? 10 years?! Do you believe it? I just wish my life was normal. I wish things were different. I know we all do.
See, I'm tearing up, yet again...pondering the what if's in life. The why me's? The pity party for myself, by myself. Ha!
bbl..
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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ARE YOU BLEEPING KIDDING ME?
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Apr 23, 2012 03:38pm (EST)
That stupid bleeping bleep is pregnant.
She is pregnant.
The SIL is pregnant.
For someone that bitches about money all the time, and has someone watching her now 18 month child 5 days a week, oh yeah, she has an 11 year old also who takes the blunt of things as it is...and now she is pregnant, again?!
Am I jealous? Abso(&^^glutely.
Can I hold a pregnancy past 26 weeks? Bleep no.
Would we love more kids? Abso&^%&nglutely.
Can my insides take another half bleeped pregnancy? Can I mentally take another half bleeped up pregnancy? I don't know, and I'm too bleeping scared to find out.
Am I angry right now? No. Sad? Yes. So sad, I actually cried and snuggled with my dog in bed as Tori watched Word World.
I should be blessed..Exstatic..content with what I have(Tori), but today I am sad. Like snotty nose, sad.
Hooray for Sunday dinner and the wonderful news that was shared!
I'm going to go sulk,now.
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (9) | Permalink
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WHAT THE BLEEP...
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Apr 19, 2012 04:06pm (EST)
You know, every year I mentally prepare myself for the months of May and June. I know they are coming, and I know what they represent.
The last few days I've been near tears for no apparent reason. That time of month? Maybe.
May 29th was his birthday, June 6th was his death day. No parent should have to say a death day. I'm down.
With our M4B's walk under two weeks a way, I'm even more sad, upset that I'm not getting the support I'm begging for. Like literally, begging. Crying.
I'm having a pity party for myself. That's right. By myself and for myself. No one else wants to join my party because it seems no one else cares....even immediate...IMMEDIATE family.
With that being said, I entered all of my cash and check donations in wrong and for what ever reason were not reflecting my totals on the M4B's site. I went in and fixed them last night and *drum roll*
I doubled my personal goal and am 20 dollars over my team goal.
I'm pretty geeked about that.
Love and Light to you and yours...
ps-if you see random thoughts coming out in my blog over the next month or so...bear with me please.
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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OH RASKAL...
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Apr 17, 2012 11:02pm (EST)
Blah....My poor dog.
I took her to the vet yesterday because she is peeing in her sleep. They sent out her blood and urine for analysis and it came back today.
She's 13 years old.
Vet called to tell me her kidney's are shutting down and she has a kidney infection.
This is so horrible but, my dog is my life. I threw everything into this dog. I got her the week after my son died and she's been my baby since. If anything happens to her, I'm not sure what I'll do.
We've got her on antibiotics and I'm hoping this does something to improve the situation here. I know, I know, she's old, things like this happen, but it sucks none the less.
ALSO
I won't lie, I just freaked out on my DH for not supporting my M4B's AT ALL this year. He hasn't got one single dollar in donations. For that matter, no one from his family has brought in one single dollar. My 3 biggest fundraisers last year were him, his sister, and her husband. Her husband was the top 3rd walker in my area for pete's sake......
Makes me angry....whole thing makes me mad and sad....yick!
Love and Light to you-
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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