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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(1 member)
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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PREEMIEMAMA DRAMA
*fingers crossed* |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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ANOVULATORY? HUH?
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Apr 06, 2011 07:43pm (EST)
Okay charting ladies- I'm driving myself crazy with this month’s chart. I’m on cd22 and still no ovulation in sight. I normally have 28-29 day cycles. I had all the classic signs that ovulation was approaching (even ovarian pain), but then nothing. It is driving me up the wall. My husband is just praying I stop talking about it.
I’ve googled just about everything I can think of and I’ve decided it’s either delayed ovulation (which is pretty late being that I’m usually clockwork cd16), or an anovulatory cycle, which sucks even more since who knows when it will end.
I’ve never charted anything like this, although my temps are all consistently under the coverline (minus one day) that don’t look all crazy and sporatic like the anovulatory charts I’ve seen online and in the TCOYF book. It’s freaking me out. At this point I just want this cycle to be over… so I can start fresh.
As for ‘delayed ovulation,’ I can’t think of any reason (stress-wise or not) that it would be delayed. I even went out and bought a new thermometer (even though it’s not suggested midcycle) and cross referenced it with the one I had- just in case the batteries were messed up. NOTHING. I’m so bummed and disappointed. Now IF I DO get pregnant next month, the baby won’t be due until January of 2012. Next year!!!
Have any of you had a similar experience? I’ve charted many months now and have never seen a time when there was no thermal shift. Can you ovulate and not have a thermal shift? How long does it take to end an anovulatory cycle? These are the frustrating questions I have.. and unfortunately, it appears the answers are ‘wait and see.’ There’s no way to know if you’re having an anovulatory cycle vs. delayed ovulation until it ends and you bleed.
Do you guys have any advice for this half-ovulation-crazed woman?! (Other than, ‘be patient and try not to think about it’ because that doesn’t seem to be working right about now!) I’d especially like info from any of you ladies who have had this kind of strange thing happen. Thanks so much for everything- especially for letting me vent 
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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IT'S OFFICIAL
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Mar 24, 2011 03:04pm (EST)
We've been unsuccessful in our baby making for 6 months. Six months of waiting. Six months of hoping. Six months of trying. Six months of sadness. Six months of disappointment. I'm tired. I don't understand why. I know I'm not alone. That does give me a sense of comfort. I'm not jealous of ANY of my mommy friends here on SHARE...if you're here, you've been down a hard road that I know you'd have done anything not to have to travel.
I am tired of all my self-pity. I'm finding it hard to be around all my friends that seem to be popping of positive all over the place. I know I should feel happy for them- and to an extent I am. But deep down I just keep asking myself, "Why not me?" I realized that my charting software doesn't save the actual chart on the computer. It only saves the calendar. That's dumb. So I'm going to start printing them out every cycle so I can have a record to take to the doctor. Maybe if I do that, my body will finally think I mean business... maybe.
Blah. I just feel like a whiny mess! I'm sorry for that. I'm going to post a happy one when I get home and can load pics from Kaitlyn's 2nd Birthday party (which was awesome by the way). She is my ray of sunshine when all my days feel gloomy. I thank God for her everyday. Sorry my mood is so lousy this morning. I didn't even realize it til I started to type. 
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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KIDNEY STONES AND WRINKLE CREAM, OH MY!
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Mar 07, 2011 04:11pm (EST)
It seems like things are getting so busy that it's hard to make time to actually get back on and post anything. First it was my hand having been bit by my bulldog, then it was my husband landing himself in the hospital for 2 days (+several more in bed). It ended up being kidney stones, but it was pretty scary not knowing what was wrong. I've never seen him cry like that... ever.
I'm finally back- yay!! I've missed my SHARE family. I've been trying to catch up on all the blogs I follow- wow- so many things going on. Many of them wonderful!!
I wish the SU was right around the corner. I want to see everyone again!! We truly are like a family. I'm the stray uncle that no one hears from for weeks on end. I'm going to try change that though!
So March 3rd was my anniversary. It's been 4 whole years since I married my love!! We've been together for 7. It seems like time really goes by fast. I noticed just this morning that I need to go out and buy some anti aging cream. I have laugh lines. I guess that means I've had alot of happiness in my life
Kaitlyn is gearing up for her 2nd birthday. I can't believe she's almost 2!! She's getting to be such a big girl. She wants to be so independent now. She cries if I put her in the high chair, but is quite content to sit at the table like a big girl. She amazes me everyday with her wit and charm- and sometimes attitude.
She likes to pretend she's talking on the phone (ie our cordless computer mouse!). Sometimes she just stands there and 'talks' to herself. It's pretty funny. She still doesn't really talk though. Alot of what I call 'practice' talking. Gibber gabber. It kinda concerns me that she's so quiet. The doctor says she should start putting 2 words together now. She still doesn't, although yesterday she said, "bye bye daddy" all by herself. So maybe she's getting there slowly but surely.
I finished my shots early this round. I stayed the same for about 1 1/2 week. I couldn’t take being on the diet and not losing anything. I told Dennis that I’ll maintain this weight for 30 days and then finish up my last 10 shots. You lose the most the first week anyways. Maybe I can squeeze another 10lbs out! I've lost 18lbs since January 31st though. I'm getting healthier and that makes me happy (and Dennis definitely doesn't seem to mind one bit either!!). I'm hopeful for the future. That I'll conceive soon. I'm trying to stay focused on myself and my fitness and health. Maybe it'll happen when I least expect it!
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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ABSENCE
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Feb 16, 2011 08:08pm (EST)
I just realized how long it's been since my last post. Things got pretty busy around the Mitchell household... and before I knew it, 3 weeks had past. Sometimes it feels like nothing new ever happens so why bother posting. But I'm glad to be back!!
Along with just being plain busy here lately, I recently was biten (accidentally) by one of my english bulldogs. It happened at night when we were in bed. Apparently they thought my hand belonged to the other dog (they were 'disagreeing' with each other). It was really hard to type for several days since I couldn't move my last two fingers! Long story short, I'm just getting back to being able to type. Thankfully, my hand isn't broken, which is what I had originally feared. My hand is still pretty sore at times, but I can manage to type fairly well these days- no more 'pecking!!'
Dennis and I have decided to take a break from 'baby making.' As hard of a decision as it was to make, I think it's important that I get my body in better shape. Maybe if I'm healthier next time around, I won't have the problems I had with my last pregnancy.
So, for now I'm back on my HCG injections and diet.
I'm trying not to think about how much I want another baby. I'm trying to focus on the family I have, and the task at hand. Every time I want a bite of something that's NOT on my approved food list (which trust me is basically everything), I try to invision being pregnant again- healthy and full term. I imagine delivering a baby that actually gets handed to me and not wisked away to the NICU before I can even see it. I picture myself being wheeled out of the hospital with all my balloons and flowers actually holding my baby in my arms instead of having to leave it behind.
And that seems to be all the motivaiton that I need!
I'm on Day 17 of my my HCG injections and diet, and so far I've lost 14lbs!! I really want to follow through and stay in shape this time... if not for myself, for my baby! 
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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DEVASTATED.
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Jan 24, 2011 04:21pm (EST)
I'm posting this to answer some of my facebook SHARE friends. I'm not devastated about pregnancy, or family or anything like that- thankfully, But was did happen hit me pretty close to home.. like I'd been kicked in the stomach.
It's a church thing. I didn't want to post it on Facebook because I don't think everyone needs to know, but I'm posting some of it here because I need to get it out. I ask that you keep this on SHARE and don't mention it on my facebook page--Please!!
At church yesterday, I was doing my 'greeter' duties when somebody offered to take over for me so I could go into the auditorium because they were making an announcement that everyone needed to hear. I asked them if it was bad, they said yes.
So I go inside and all the decorations are down. The stage is bare and things look bleak. I saw my husband and asked if he knew what was going on.. and then he informed me: "the preacher ran off with Beth... he left a note."
Okay... back up. This same thing happened at my previous church. Preacher left with the music director... and Beth is the keyboardist and lead lady vocal.
So the elders got up in front of the church and informed everyone that Mike resigned his position on Thursday night. That's all they said. We're having a 'family meeting' for church members tonight a 7:00. So all day I'm sitting there, trying to figure out how this could happen again.
To add insult to injury, Beth is a member of my small group- of which I am a co-leader. How could something like this happen right under my nose? I feel like I failed somehow. Apparently this has been going on for months. Like since March. In our group, Beth always talked about trying to find 'that special someone'... she's only 24... I just can't believe that the whole time she was banging the preacher. I feel like someone kicked me in the stomach.
Last night, our small group held a special meeting (which usually meets on Sunday nights anyhow) to discuss what happened so that everyone could get their feelings off their chests. I think if it would have been a different group, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad... but to know that she was one of us- the betrayal runs deep.
As of last night, Beth wanted to go home to her parents. I don't think she thought things through, you know? I don't know what Mike is going to do now. It's so sad. It's been an important lesson to everyone though. If this can happen to a man who has devoted his WHOLE life to the ministry, and to God, it can happen to anyone. We have to be on guard at all times.
We are currently starting the search for a new minister. Please pray for Mike, our pastor, (Cindy- the pastor's wife, their 2 kids) Beth, and the whole church family. I've seen this destroy a congregation... it can rock it to its core. It can make people lose faith... But 'we are the body'... it's not Mike's church, it's God's Church- and it WILL prevail!
Thanks for keeping this amongst us
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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I DON'T UNDERSTAND...
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Jan 19, 2011 08:16pm (EST)
Okay.. so I've been hiding out lately.. trying not to think too much about pregnancy possibilities, I guess. I took this month "off" from charting. Still doing basically the same stuff I was doing before though.. still 'watching the signs' just no temps (since the last 3 months have stayed high and then I got my period anyways). I sneaked a peek on my software though on Monday and realized that my due date would be on my mom's birthday (sept 30) if I did indeed get pregnant this month. Monday was my dad's birthday so I thought, "I'll just buy an early pregnancy test today." I was 4 days from missed period. I guess my thinking I could find out on my dad's birthday (Monday) and be due on my mom's. Cute, right?!
Needless to say, the test came back negative. I was so scared to look. Then I was crushed. I'm so sad. Then denial set in: "It's 4 days before I'm even due... I'll just wait because maybe it's too early to tell." Should've known.
Last night, a friend of mine who has been ttc along side of me told me she just found out the good news... she's pregnant!! Don't get me wrong- I'm super happy for her... she's been suffering right beside me with those negative test results. She told me that she had to try for almost a year to get her daughter Addy. A whole year. I can't do that.
Tuesday night, I finally crack and tell my hubby why I'm so bummed: "BFN" He went into this whole speel about how I'm trying to rush things and that it will happen when it happens. I need to stop thinking about it and trying "so hard."- yeah, he said that. And then he said something that floored me... like really, truly almost took my breath away: "Maybe we're only meant to have one baby." yeah. I never thought of that before.. and I don't ever want to again. My whole life I've dreamed of being a mom. He went on to say that we have already been blessed. We have an incredible daughter and that if we only end up with one child, she's have every opportunity available financially.
Yes, I know I have been blessed beyond all my dreams. I have my little girl. I should be happy.. satisfied. But I'm not. I feel like there's still parts of me out there, waiting for me. I don't feel complete. How do I get him to understand that?
And so my denial turns to pleaing and bargaining with God. If he'll just let me be pregnant, I'll do ________ . fill in the blank. I can't stand this wait. I never imagined it would take 5 months. (I know that's not THAT long, but my fertility book says after 4-6 months of following it, if I haven't concieved, I should get checked out. Which leads me on a whole nother path. My husband is on testosterone thearapy. I tried to google his medication, and it says it shouldn't interfere with sperm production, but now I'm starting to wonder... and it's a touchy topic with my man. Thankfully he has an appt with his 'that' doc tomorrow and he's promised to ask him about that kind of stuff.
So this all leads me to today. 1 day before my period is due. Still hoping and praying for no AF... "Please God" And then, "BAM" there it is. Turns out the test was right afterall. I'm so sad. Month 5 of disapointment. If I can manage to get pregnant next month, I'll be due around Halloween. Ironically, I was thinking I would be pregnant by last halloween. It seems like holidays just keep on a rollin and I'm still where I started.
Sorry this was so long. I'm just so frustrated and talking to my husband just adds to it... and now I have 11 friends who are pregnant... I think I'm ordering a rum and coke tonight... because I can... *sigh*
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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NEW YEAR... NEW POSSIBILITIES!!
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Jan 06, 2011 06:27pm (EST)
So I've decided to start the New Year with a better attitude (we'll see how long that lasts)! I feel a renewed sense of happiness that I haven't felt in awhile... and I'm lovin' it!!
My hubby and I have started doing P90x together (again) and so far, so good. Yes, I feel like I'm going to die while I'm doing it, but afterwards I feel so much better... alive! It's actually started making me feel like I want to make healthier eating habits (I say this as I eat a handful of M&M's). But hey- I did eat a salad today for lunch!! That's at least one step in the right direction.
We're still TTC... still no luck. I'm trying the 'no stress' approach (if that's even possible). We're trying to joke around about it... when I get around ovulation- I tell him but try to remain lighthearted about it... not "hurry up now or my chance will be blown for this month!!!" I've noticed that the last couple times I got around ovulation, it was always when I had a really lousy day/ couple of days at work and I was exhausted, wishing my body wouldn't ovulate til the next day.
I'm still getting nauseas around 9 dpo-- for the past 2 months. It makes no sense to me. I thought maybe it has to do with hormones or something. I'm tempted to go to the doctor when/if it starts happening again this month so they can test me for... whatever could be causing it. It's really frustrating because it gets my hopes up and then-- nothing!
I do feel better not having the stress of a deadline closing in on me... but it's somewhat hurtful to me that I now have like 8 friends who are pregnant... Don't get me wrong though-- all my SHARE friends who are expecting I'm OVERJOYED for.. you're in your own little category of "YAY." I'm talking 8 friends I see often. And then I feel guilty for being upset about it because a baby is always a blessing. I should be happy for them all. I just get my feelings hurt by friends whose 'babies' are younger than mine, and who weren't even 'trying.' *Sigh* It's God's timing though-- not mine!! I have to keep reminding myself of that
Sorry this has been so all over the place. Welcome to my head! I really am in a happy place though. I haven't taken my temp since December 23rd!! Hooray for not charting!!!
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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THAT'S A NO...
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Dec 31, 2010 01:08am (EST)
So, I'm still not pregnant. I had a talk with my husband (who thinks I'm "rushing it") and we've decided that I'm not going to do any charting for the month of January. I'm taking a break. We've been TTC for 4 months now and it's driving me crazy. I think in some ways I was 'rushing it' because I'm trying to work around my work schedule and the school year. Now that that's been blown out the window, who cares about work, right??
I think since Oct/Nov/Dec is blown for concieving, it's almost like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I know now that if and when I do get pregnant, it's going to interfere with work, and that's okay. I may just end up working with my mom after all. (She runs a daycare). For now my TTC stress level is low. I know I won't be ovulating for another week and even then I'm not going to focus on it too much and if it happens (finally), it happens... *fingers crossed still*
Our Christmas was awesome!!! Although I was really hoping to have a BFP for Dennis to unwrap Christmas morning, it was still great to have family and friends to share the day with. Kaitlyn was much more in the 'unwrapping' spirit as opposed to last year when she was too young to really do anything.. Ironically, her favorite present was a counting and color book about little monsters- which only cost me $5... go figure!! It started snowing Christmas night through the next day (which is amazing in this part of NC) and it's still on the ground!!! How beautiful
I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas-- have a blessed New Year!!
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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HERE WE GO AGAIN...
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Dec 20, 2010 08:31pm (EST)
Okay... so still TTC. I ovulated December 9th which means I'm 11 DPO now. I started feeling nauseated around 9 DPO. It comes and goes. I feel fine and then all of a sudden I feel like I'm going to be sick. I felt the same way last month, and nothing came of it... in the end.
I'm trying to not think about it much.. and not obsess over if I am or am not... although it's hard everytime I start feeling sick. It's like an almost constant feeling of yuckiness in my stomach that lasts throughout the day, but gets worse sometimes for some reason. I've talked to other women who get sick early, (like I did when I was pregnant with Kaitlyn), so I know I'm not the only one. I just hope that this time it 'sticks.' I should find out Christmas Eve or Christmas Day- depending on when I take the test... *sigh*
I guess I'll be updating this blog when I find out... I'm hoping it will be a very Merry Christmas- although I'm trying not to get my hopes up!! (for the pregnancy that is!)
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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