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WELCOME, GUEST |
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(2 members)
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Akeelah's Mo…6 |
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niylnnrae @a…6 |
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PREEMIEMAMA DRAMA
*fingers crossed* |
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| Category: Home | Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | | | | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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UPDATE
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Oct 18, 2011 04:44pm (EST)
So I figured I'd better update my blog...it's been awhile. I used to do this while passing the time away at work, but now my lovely job has blocked SHARE... I hate internet filters!!
So, I had my doctor's appointment about a week or so ago. They told me I have a hyperthyroid. Yep. Hyper. Go figure. I'm like the 1 out of 100 people that don't lose weight with a hyperthyroid. The doctor told me that usually people with this are bean pole skinny... thanks. For now, he's put me on a beta blocker to help with the heart palpitations. They've lessened in frequency, but I still get them every day. I'll be on these beta blockers for at least another month (they're supposed to be 'masking my symptoms.') Then I have to go back to my doctor to get a referral to the endocrinologist to have my thyroid killed off forever. I don't want to take medicine for the rest of my life. One thing I've learned over the years is life never turns out how you expected it! I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.
I can't wait for Friday!!! I'm calling out of work and flying to DC early (since it's the only ticket I could find that lands before 7:00). I'll be in DC at 10:30  Any one want to hang out with me?? I'm so stoked!! aaaahh.. just saw the time. Gotta go to work NOW! I finish this post later....brb
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (2) | Permalink
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DUN DUN DUN...
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Sep 23, 2011 12:23pm (EST)
So I AM definitely going to SU this year. My husband gave me his blessing (even though it's over his birthday) because he says with as much golf as he plays, he can begrudge me going for a weekend to do something I want to do. Yippeeee for that! I'm hoping to book my flight sometime today 
I went to the doctor on Wednesday about my heart. It's been skipping beats and having a hard time keeping its rhythm for a couple of weeks now. He thinks it's stress induced, which makes sense since it started the day the kids came back to school. My school load this year is awful. I work in a HI class (with both Deaf and hard of hearing students K-2). They've adding extra kids with of disabilities who are not deaf or HH because we are the only self-contained classroom in our school. Aside from the diapering duties I now have, our classroom isn't equipped to handle their needs. I think the stress of that, plus my other students is taking its toll.
Next Wednesday, I'm getting hooked up with a portable heart monitor to wear for 24 hours. The doctor is hoping he can pick up the skips so he can diagnose them better. Apparently, their are different kinds of skips that make different kinds of sounds that mean different kinds of things. At the rate I was going the past 2 weeks, I was having them about 3-4 times an hour. I made the appointment and now they've cut back to 2-3 times a day. GRRRR. Now I'm worried that by the time I get it all set up, they'll stop and nothing will get resolved. Of course, my 2 most stress inducing students were absent this week... so that may be why they've settled down. Hopefully I'll know something soon.
I am so excited to have a 'mommy weekend' where I can go to SHAREunion and not have to worry about cooking for my husband, or potty training Kaitlyn. It probably sounds awful, but I haven't done anything really by myself since last October when I went to SU. I always take Kaitlyn everywhere I go... and now she tries to bust into the bathroom and shower too! I love her, of course, but every now and then I need some 'me' time!!
I'll try keep everyone posted on my heart testing results. If nothing gets picked up on this test, I'll have to do a 3 day test... blah. Those sticky leads make me sooooo itchy!!!
We went to my cousin's wedding this past weekend- where Kaitlyn learned to walk backwards! It was so funny watching her walk slowly backwards across the dance floor. She thought that was the coolest thing ever!
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (7) | Permalink
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FRUSTRATED WITH CHANGING PLANS
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Sep 08, 2011 12:09pm (EST)
and now the couple that was going to come to DC to hang out with Dennis just backed out. Not sure what's happening now. I'm so frustrated. Dennis may go, he may not. I need to know NOW!! I have to book my ticket if he doesn't go, and I need to find a room mate for SU. I told him he needs to figure it out and he's got 2 days.
Can't wait to see everyone again
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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4 DAYS LATE...
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Sep 06, 2011 11:54am (EST)
....and BFN!!! GRrrrr!!
Well, Dennis went to his new doctor last Friday. She seems to know alot about all this stuff (finally!!). Unfortunately, his other (stupid, endo) didn't send any of his medical records but his last labs. So frustrating. His new doctor said that she's going to get the other office to fax ALL of his records. She has a feeling that the previous doctor only tested for low Testosterone and not other factors. Apparently, there is two main causes for his issue. Either his junk just isn't working (which is primary), or his brain isn't sending the message to get his stuff to produce the sperm (secondary). It's managed in two completely different ways, depending on what kind of problem it is. His previous doctor told him it was secondary, but was treating him like it was primary (which will not solve his problem). I told him (Dennis) it seemed his doc was full of crap when he said he was going to dramatically increase his testosterone levels (since we all know that steroid use is known to kill sperm).
Anyhow- The good news is that this new endocrinologist seems to be on top of the new treatments out there (like HCG and clomid for men to increase their fertility). The bad news is that if the doctor didn't do all the right tests the first time, She's taking him off all his meds completely (which I guess could be good) and then once it's all out of his system, re-testing him for everything like a new patient. He's really nervous about being off all meds. I told him that maybe, if he does things this lady is saying, he won't even need the medicine anymore!! That would be an awesome financial blessing since his meds are like $300 a month.
She also mentioned "going in and retrieving sperm to test and freeze for future use." A biopsy of sorts. He really didn't like the sound of that, but at least he joked about it a little, so I guess he's in good spirits! I'm just so happy that things are starting to work out in the way of finding answers. Dennis said he doesn't feel bad about leaving the other doctor anymore... which I never understood in the first place.
The BFN was a big let down, and right after I finally told Dennis what was bothering me for 4 days, I started AF. I told him I should just tell him on the day I'm due every month so I don't have to worry about it anymore (since in the past, any time I thought I was pregnant, the moment I breathed a word to Dennis, I always got AF that day
I'm so excited to see everyone in October!! It's going to be so much fun
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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OPTIMISM... AT LAST!
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Aug 31, 2011 08:03pm (EST)
So I figured I'd spent enough time away from SHARE. Sulking about my failed attempts at pregnancy. Now that we know it's Dennis' meds that are keeping me from getting pregnant, I've stopped charting. (That and the fact I got a new computer and can't find my back up disc to load my fertility software). Dennis finally has an appointment with a new endocrinologist this Friday... Praise God!! We're hoping that this new doctor will give him an option other than, "just stop taking your medicine for a few months." He's googled it (I know, doctors hate google) and most people who were on his meds said their doctors put them on an estrogen blocker instead. That's what Dennis is hoping for... it's kinda a 'meet in the middle' kind of therapy. If that doesn't work, he's going to try get a referral to EVMS which has an Endocrinologist that specializes in fertility issues. I wish we could just go straight there now!!!
I can't believe I'm coming up on a full year since we started trying. Sept marks a year. I never would have thought a year ago that I'd still be TTC. I've had 12 friends get pregnant, or have their babies since I started. It's really frustrating, but I'm truly happy for them. Babies should always be celebrated. I guess I just wonder, "when will it be my turn?" It's so frustrating. I do feel less pressure, though, since finding out it's 'not my fault'... I know it sounds awful to say. But I was beating myself up every month trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, and now I know: nothing. You can't get pregnant without sperm!! 
The other night, my hubby was going over baby names that he likes (strange names too might I add-- Samson, Lazarus...) and I eventually told him that I didn't understand why he was even talking about baby names. It's all a moot point. If he doesn't go to the doctor, we're not having another baby. It's that simple. That got his juices flowing. He marched right out to the kitchen and called his insurance company and got a referral to the 'new' doctor that he's seeing on Friday. I'm so happy. I feel like he finally 'gets it.' I don't have to badger him any more. I'm happy.
I've heard that it can take up to 6 months for things to get back to normal once he's off the Androgel. Hopefully it won't take that long. For now I'm just happy knowing that he's finally taking steps in the right direction and we're on the same page about having another baby
We weathered hurricane Irene pretty well. Aside from having a forest worth of leaves fall into the pool, we didn't have any damage. It was the most tranquil hurricane I've ever been in!! I'll post some pics of before and after... I still haven't finished cleaning it out yet!!! Hope all my SHARE friends stayed safe
Mitchell family 2011
Pool after Hurricane Irene
still trying to clean out the pool
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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I THINK I'M GOING TO BE SICK...
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Jul 28, 2011 10:10am (EST)
Well, Dennis' endo doc finally did some research on the subject, and turns out I was right. He called Dennis 2 days ago and told him to stop taking his medicine. Of course, that was not what Dennis wanted to hear. He's trying to find something else to supplement the meds he's getting off of. I'm tempted to hide it all!!!
We got in a serious disagreement last night after talking to his mom (go figure). She called right when we were falling asleep to inform Dennis that she wants to take Kaitlyn for the day on Friday. This would go over much better if she ever spent any time with her... but she doesn't. I'm terrified now.
It's not that I don't want them spending time together, I just want her to get to know Kaitlyn a little better before she takes her for the day. I have to preface this all by saying that Kaitlyn is a mama's girl. She cries when Dennis takes her places and she realizes I'm not there. She cries when she's with my parents (who see her everyday) when she notices I'm not around. I'm so scared for her. I don't want her to feel upset and frightened because she's leaving with someone she doesn't know.
I voiced these concerns to Dennis, who voiced them to his mom, but that didn't seem to make a difference. It's her way or the highway. She thinks Kaitlyn will be fine and I'm making it all up. Apparently her coworker has convinced her that she has the right to demand to see Kaitlyn whenever she wants. Dennis wants her to get to know his mom and spend time with her, and although he thinks his mom should get to know her first, he feels like she'll have to learn the hard way how upset Kaitlyn gets.
That's so messed up to me. Why would you want to put your kid through that? I wouldn't be so upset if you EVER took an interest in her. She was born 8 weeks early. She was in the NICU for a month. His mom never came up to the hospital. A hospital in her own city. My mom watches Kaitlyn during the day. 7 minutes away. His mom NEVER stops by to see her. You see what I mean? All these opportunities... lost. Now that Kaitlyn is 'fun' she wants to come around. It makes me so mad.
I told Dennis I'm really upset about it and that I can't believe she has the nerve to dictate under what circumstances she'll visit with Kaitlyn. AAAaarrhhhh. I asked Dennis what he wanted me to do if she's screaming and crying and doesn't want to go and he said, "don't interfere"... what?!? Must be nice since he's not going to be there for the hand off.
Before you ask, I did offer to go along. We've offered to take the daycare kids outside if she visits at my mom's house so we're not 'competing' for attention. She refuses any type of that. It really upset me last night (and I told Dennis too) that he would allow this and not put his foot down, or at least care about my opinion. I'm going to be a hot mess tomorrow.. I know that!
Any ideas what I can do to help with the hand off and to diffuse the bomb-full of words I want to unleash on his mom when she comes? And on top of it all- I have to drive an hour to do it because he mom refuses to meet me halfway.
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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...WAITING SUCKS
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Jul 25, 2011 11:09am (EST)
So still not pregnant. I did blood work on CD3 this cycle and have to go back on CD22 for more. The nurse there said she thought it was silly for me to be doing all this testing when the specialist said she was like 99% sure it was Dennis' medicine that's causing the issue and he still hasn't gone to the doctor.
It's so frustrating. No matter what I do, nothing is going to work if it is a sperm issue. Yesterday he told me that he had googled it and read that some guys on Androgel had to be put on a different med because it can interfere with sperm production. It made me so mad. All this time he tried to act like it wasn't that. That his endo doc said he didn't think that was the problem so he just left it at that... all the while knowing that others had had the same problem with that med. It makes me so mad.
To top it all off, once he does get switched to a estrogen blocker (right now he's on a testosterone booster), it can take up to 6 months for his body to start working right. SIX months!!! OMG.. I'm so frustrated. So yesterday he said he was going to make the appt (since he has 2 different referrals from 2 different doctors) to get his sperm checked. I texted him at lunch and low and behold, he "hasn't had a chance" to make the appt. Go figure.
So this 'discussion' that we had yesterday was on the way to a friend's baby shower. Yeah, I had to endure that. Surrounded by a bunch of pregnant women. It sucked. Most of my friends who were trying to get pregnant when I started have either had a baby or is pretty far along. All except for one...
We've become pretty close through our separate but similar infertility issues. Until now. She told me on Sunday (yeah, it was a whamy of a day) that she, too, is now pregnant. Don't get me wrong- I'm really excited for her. It's her 4th... kinda. She married someone who had 3 kids. The youngest, twins, were 3 yrs old when they got together so she's never had the baby experience. I am truly happy for her- extremely jealous- but happy.
Dennis told me I was bad. He said I can't really be happy for someone if I'm jealous. He just doesn't get it. The whole way to the baby shower I just wanted to cry. He kept asking me what's wrong (since guys can be retarded sometimes), but I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. "Why not me?" Gosh, just typing it makes me feel so selfish. But it's my true feelings. I don't want her to not be pregnant- I just want to be pregnant too!!! Like I said, he just doesn't get it.
So that's my woeful tale. It seems to be the same tale over and over and over every month. I'm hoping that someday soon I'll be posting something exciting. That I'll pee on like 10 different pregnancy tests just to make sure that the first one really was right. I want that day more than just about anything. But I can't help thinking that it's just a pipe dream and that I should start scrapbooking my adoption book and get it over with already.
Sorry to go on and on and on about this. I just had to get it off my chest and SHARE seems to be the only place I feel like I can do it without being judged and told 'just be patient' and 'relax' and 'it will happen when it's supposed to.' I feel like I'm so far past all those comments!!
Thanks for listening.
July 18-22,2011 091
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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SPERM, EGGS AND OVULATION- OH MY!
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Jul 05, 2011 07:42pm (EST)
Well, Dennis went to see his Endo doc today about his testosterone levels again. He has to go in every 3 months to get more blood work and tests done. His doctor still doesn't think his meds should interfere with sperm production (even though the fertility specialist said it can). He said Dennis' testosterone levels were at a 'high- normal' range and that maybe that could be the cause. He's going to lower Dennis' dosage. I think it's all crap. Dennis still hasn't made the appt to get his swimmers checked yet. I think that should be the starting point since maybe it's NOT him and he'd be changing around all the meds for nothing.
I'm on cycle 9 or 10 since originally started TTC. When I talked to the fertility lady, she said it can take 9 months for a women in her 30's to conceive. Well, I'm at the 9 month mark. I'm hoping it works out. I used an ovulation kit this month (although timing usually lined up the other cycles any ways). It was kinda strange though. I bought one that had a control line and then the variable line that changed every day and mine showed it stayed dark or darker than the control line for 4 days in a row. I was wondering if maybe I have too much of something going on because from what I read online, you shouldn't get continual dark lines on those things. I think next month I'm going to get a digital one so maybe that will help... I don't know.
As far as ovulation, it seems that everything lined up again this month, so fingers crossed, I'll have some good news in about a week or so Although at this point I'm not holding my breath!
We went to a wedding this past Sunday, and I got some fun new pics of Kaitlyn. She sure did enjoy herself. She was a scene stealer. Her favorite thing was the dancing. She was up there before anyone else. The last picture is of her with my husband and dad
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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PRAYERS PLEASE!!
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Jun 13, 2011 02:30pm (EST)
Hey SHARE friends, I just wanted to request that you all pray for my friend Kelly. She was my closest friend when I was in High School, stood by me when my sister died and most of my friends abandoned me (from fear of what to say). And on Saturday, she lost her baby.
She was 33 weeks pregnant, went to the hospital because of pain and bleeding, and by the afternoon, delivered her daughter, Katelyn Grace, sleeping. She passed due to an apparent Placental Abruption. My heart goes out to her. I am so sad. Even though I know you all, have talked to you all and listened to you talk about your angel mommy experiences, I still feel completely unprepared as to what to say to her. "I'm sorry" isn't enough. Words can't express it enough.
She recently moved to TX, so I can't visit her in the hospital (where she's staying staying for the next 2 weeks due to complications). I feel so lost and helpless. Is there anything you can think of that I should be doing to help her through this tragic time??
Please pray for her, her husband Steven, and their little boy Jake. I know that their family was all prepared to welcome little Katelyn here so that also means coming home to all her things. Any advice that I can use to help comfort her, anything that helped you angel mommies during those first awful days would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for being there!! I plan on sending her here as soon as I can... I don't know when that even is... How early is it okay to send her this way? I don't want to overwhelm her anymore than she already is..
PS~ BFN again this month, but all things considered, I'm so thankful for what I have!
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Posted by *fingers crossed* | Comments: (5) | Permalink
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