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liz loschinskey |
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CURIOUS
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Jan 06, 2012 02:28pm (EST)
So, I'm curious...
Does the constant fear of something happening to your child ever end?
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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PRAYERS STILL NEEDED.
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Dec 13, 2011 02:18pm (EST)
I am having a hard time with my friends son dying. This one just hit to close to home. I was over there all day yesterday, the husband gave directions on informing everyone, and I felt like the "Go To Guy". Which is fine, but by 8pm, I was extremely overwhelmed. Phone calls, emails, FB....I was crying to the point I was no help to anyone. Crying so much I woke up andit looks like I had a stroke in the middle of the night because my left eye is either swollen or droopy or some crap.
I feel like I'm crying for the wrong reasons. I should be mourning a 3 year old, boy. Tori's friend. My friends child. Instead, I feel like I'm crying because every possible aspect of my sons death came flooding back, yesterday. Different scenerios, same outcome. I'm having a pity party for me. My mind is crossing over to places it hasn't been in years. Like, I'm talking to myself,saying things I haven't said in years and I'm a little nervous,scared about that.
I know that Wyatt and Tori had alot of the same Dr.'s through Children's Hospital. and I know that these two children are completely different. I've been saying since day 1 of Tori's life...When is the other shoe going to drop? When is something going to happen that I can't handle? This is rediculous to think like this, but it's like I've crossed over to this horrible mind thought and can't get out. Even while playing, changing, looking at Tori. I just hug her and cry. She's looking at me like I'm crazy and touching her eyes saying.."cry? You ok?"
Blah, The phone calls have already started todayand it's only 9.15am. That was my test and I got a big fat fail for not being able to complete a sentence without blowing snot.
Booooo for bad days. Please keep the family in your prayers, Wyatt's already in a safe, good place.
Love and Light, Liz
ps-no beer last night. Iremembered how horrible it tasted and declined.
Oh yeah, I forgot....Tori and Daddy went Christmas shopping yesterday and saw one of T's NICU nurses! How do I always miss the good stuff? Mind you, Tori was still in her pajama's with breakfast all down the front of her and hadn't taken a nap uptil 4pm last night...hahaha.
claire
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (4) | Permalink
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PRAYERS
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Dec 13, 2011 01:05am (EST)
God was watching over me as I typed out a long withdrawn entry and then it just disappeared.
I'm so upset with my day that I started crying again over the disappearance of my entry I'm just going to have a beer.
I hate beer.
Rest in peace, Wyatt Piemme
10/07/2008-12/11/2011
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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IFSP/IEP
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Dec 10, 2011 10:24pm (EST)
I hate review time. Let's face it, I'm a first time mom of a thriving 2 year old. I need help, reassurance, confidence that I'm doing the right things. We've had physical, occupational, speech therapies. We are still doing developmental and start with a nutritionist in the upcoming weeks. I have taken full advantage of Pennsylvania Early Intervention. I've used every resource that was given to me.
My biggest fear is about to come true in the upcoming months. We had an evaluation on Wednesday. Went well. Too well. I was being told to start looking for preschools for Tori. What?! Check them out now, while they are in full swing of things, so I can watch interactions of workers with children, cleanliness, facilities, things of that nature.
I get a package in the mail today from Early Intervention with the IFSP and all sorts of flyers and pamphlets about my county, local preschools, MOPS, Names of people I need to contact, School district info, TOO much. I'm on near overload. I feel overwhelmed....
You guys might think I'm crazy typing this, my biggest fear with my child is germs. Germs send her packing to the hospital, not the doctor's office. Again, I know this is nearly rediculous, but this is my main fear. Next would be making sure she can keep up with the rest of the kids.
How did your transition from IFSP's to IEP's go? They keep telling me the school district pays for everything. I don't know what that means.
Help?!
Love and Light,
Liz
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (1) | Permalink
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IT IS...
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Dec 06, 2011 02:44pm (EST)
It was 2003. It is 2011. I remember it like it was last week. Most memories as vivid as it was years ago.
It was 2009. It is 2011. I remember it like it was yesterday.
Today, yesterday, she weighed 1480g's. She was hogging down 26cc's. She was 75 days old. She was in isolation due to RSV. I was scared. She was fragile.
Someone said to me last week..."Oh, Elizabeth, that was so long ago."
No, it wasn't.
My husband even said..."Babe, that was over 2 years ago."
No, it wasn't.
My memories are slowly fading of that week ...7 days of life back in 2003. My dad says that's a good thing..."There are certain things you should not see or go through in life. God created our brains to block things we are not supposed to see."
smiles*
I don't know how true that is, but I am starting to believe it.
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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PREMATURITY
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Dec 01, 2011 07:52pm (EST)
I stole this from the Peek-a-Boo, ICU website.
I am prematurity.
I am the chart that reads 0/3 – three pregnancies with no children.
I am the tears on a Labor and Delivery hospital room bed.
I am the spikes on a contraction monitor.
I am the sadness in the doctor’s eyes at 22 weeks.
I am the steroid shots at 24 weeks.
I am the crowded operating room at 27 weeks.
I am the NICU.
I am the isolette.
I am the tiny child swaddled in wires.
I am the parents’ fear.
I am the roller coaster of emotions.
I am the dance of two steps forward, one step back.
I am the ABCs – apnea and bradycardia.
I am the pulse-ox monitor.
I am the alarms sounding desats.
I am the oxygen.
I am the feeding tubes.
I am the stimulation.
I am the new normal.
I am the haze and fog.
I am the time in between – after birth but before my due date.
I am the parents.
I am the nurses and doctors.
I am the family and friends.
I am the miracle of a tiny breath.
I am the miracle of life.
I am a miracle.
I am prematurity.
I am aware.
We are hope.
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (0) | Permalink
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QUESTION, TORI, AND WHINING...OH MY!
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Nov 17, 2011 02:29am (EST)
Hi everyone!
My question, do any of you have direct knowledge of Sandifer Syndrome and can you tell me a little about it?
Yes, I've done my research on it, and searched it on here already and can't find much except extreme gastro reflux being caught by pediatritions who originally label it as spasms of seizures.
This is not Tori, this is Tori's NICU BFF. We are still in contact with the family on a daily basis and my heart hurts for their little girl. There are some nights after talking with the mom, I just hold/hug Tori and thank the Lord above for the blessing we have with Tori. I'm ready to cry just thinking about it.
Tori- All of Tori's blood work came back from her trip to Children's and EVERYTHING was in the NORMAL range. AMEN!
Now to my whining....My brother in law who hasn't met Tori yet(She's 26months, now) And said many horrible things to me including F$%k OFF, because I stuck up for my husband after the BIL threw a hissy fit when we forgot his daughters birthday back in Nov of 2009. Look dude, my kid was in the NICU on her death bed, I'm sorry I forgot your kid's birthday. If you go back to my NOV/DEC postings of 2009n you can read all about it. At any rate, they are coming up for thanksgiving. I haven't talked to you in 2 years and my kid has no idea who you are. Is this going to be pleasant? F no. I'd like to spit on him. Show him pictures of Tori of the week of his daughters birthday. He has ABSOLUTELY no idea. And now, he will see her happy and healthy like nothing even happened.
Which leads me to another whining. I'm nearly repulsed at other peoples stories. Tomorrow is National Prematurity awareness day and I am reading all of these stories of how my kid was a 34 weeker and weighed 5 pounds.....or my preemie was born at 36 weeks at 4 lb's whatever. I by no means want to devalue someone else's story. But,.....Have a kid at 26 weeks who lived in the NICU for 109 days and came home at 4 lbs. Or better yet, have a child that passed away after coming at 24 weeks. Sure, he nlived for a week, but it hurts none the less.
So I'm so sorry I don't feel for the 37 weeker that weighed 6 poundsd.
I'm so sorry I even typed that but it needs to come out. I'm frustrated,pissed,sad,angry....whatever....
Love and Light and thanks for reading...
Liz
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (3) | Permalink
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A COUPLE OF THINGS!
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Nov 01, 2011 03:01pm (EST)
Ok, if I'm jumbled, I apologize.
1- Tori's appointment at Children's. Boooo. I, as a parent, left there completely....I don't even know what word to use. Dr. took one look at her and asked about her diet. We go through her history...it came back to her diet. She got 7 tubes of blood taken...which she took like a champ! and a script for duocal. The Dr. sent us to a nutritionalist who made me feel even more inferior with her cartoon food groups chart, explaining the food groups to me and how I should be feeding Tori. Look lady, I feed my kid right(apparently not) she doesn't eat it. I do everything possible to ensure that kid eats right.....FAIL!
2-Halloweener was a huge success!! Pumpkins and all!
3-I will start with Tori's had a head cold since Monday.
We were given an inhaler for Tori about 9 months ago at the pulmonary Dr. "just in case". As he tells us Tori's lungs will never be normal and "don't expect her to be a track star" due to her lung capacity. Ok...great! We never had to use this and or the mask/tube looking thing to properly give it to her....EVER. Last night, trick or treating it was pouring down rain and about 45 degree's out. Before we even get to the first house Tori is wheezing, coughing, choking eyes filled with tears, snots coming out of her nose .....holy jombollies...I was concerned. Once we got her back in the house, she was fine until she fell asleep.This dry wheezing coughy....To say the least, she got to try that inhaler that was given to us so long ago.
Last night was again, cool mist humidifier and vick's on her feet.
I can't tell if it's her head cold or her lung capacity or a little of both?
4-How do I get a direct link from another site to this page....My specific page. For example...from Facebook, I can get them to the site(which I've done), but how do I get them to this story? It's prematurity awareness month and I'm trying to get people over here to read Tori's story.
ok....I think that's it!
Love and Light,
Liz
Toriladybug
pumpkins2
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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (6) | Permalink
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