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liz loschinskey

May 2013

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WOWOW!

Sep 22, 2011 05:24pm (EST)

2 years ago, today, this time, our adventure began. A simple ultrasound appointment turned into the 2nd scariest day of my life. 26wks is scary. 1lb,1oz is scary. My first ambulance ride, scary. 2 hospitals and a dr's office, scary. Blue baby, scary. Black man bursting into my hospital room at 2 in the morning(long story), scary. G20 in Pittsburgh, security and police everywhere, slightly scary. I could go on for hours telling you how scary my day was, then the weeks, then months, to follow.

Happy Birthday, Tori! God has blessed us with a beautiful child that is mentally, developmentally and physically on track.

I love you very much!

Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (3) | Permalink

BLAH...

Sep 19, 2011 02:30am (EST)

Today sucked. Tori's been sick since Thursday. No sleep. Daddy's been working 12-15 hour days since last week. Im miserable. Woke up late for church. Church was bad. We saw a little boy named Wyatt. Wyatt was in the NICU with Tori. He was only there for 3 weeks, but he was there none the less. Every possible flash back a mother could have of the worst days of her life came flooding back into my otherwise content little brain. I cried. And cried. The worst kind of cry when you try not to be obvious as you blow an accidental s'not bubble.

After church, I took my niece to see the lion king. This too was a crying disaster. HAKUNA MATADA for crying out loud. Again, crying like an idiot.

It was today I realized, I failed at my number one job with my son. I got a big FAIL for being a mother. I'm supposed to do everything i can, in my power for my kids. I am my children. Im nearly suprised my daughter is the way she is. Happy. Always filled with joy and smiles. It's almost as if she is truley grateful for her life.

I wish my normalcy was not crying over my kids. I am defined by my children. My life is defined by a dead child and a 2 year old. Ha! What kind of conversation could I possibly have with a person on a day like today? I day that sucks. My thoughts are scattered. I should go to bed.

Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (5) | Permalink

DISGUSTED

Sep 14, 2011 10:23pm (EST)

This is what I watched on the news tonight.

http://www.wpxi.com/news/29184259/detail.html

Sad story of premature twins, get out of the nicu, are home for a week and the torture begins. The boy and girl are 7wks old and have broken bones through out their bodies due to excessive force from the parents.

WTF is wrong with people? Who does that?

Top story of the same newscast, 4 yr old beaten so badly he dies. Beaten because he didn't listen. HE'S 4, DUDE! You F'in idiot, I'd like to beat the shit out of you until you just died.

http://www.wpxi.com/news/29180030/detail.html

I'm repulsed by the 6 oclock news.

Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (2) | Permalink

Sep 14, 2011 06:07pm (EST)

Thank you Jen for changing my mind on going to SU. I had no intentions on going until I talked to you! I'm so excited to meet you, I feel like we've known eachother for years!

I'm extremely excited to be going to SU. I was going to wait and post this after I got my flights situated, but I'm so tickled to be coming I had to SHARE.

This will be the first time I've ever been away from my daughter for an extended period of time. First time in 2 years. I'm slightly nervous about that. Speaking of, Tori will be 2 in 8 days. Very exciting. Birthday theme, Elmo. Elmo cake, plates, napkins, table clothes, and pizza and mac and cheese. Her favorites. She will be wearing her famous bright red Elmo overalls and Elmo slippers. All Elmo, all the time in our house. My husband went as far as special ordering some rock star guitar elmo that won't be in stores until November, so it will be a late birthday, early Christmas present.

I'm really, really looking forward to meeting you guys. You've read (seen) me at my worst and best. I'ma bitch, eh? *teethy smile*

I'm stalling on getting photos ready for the remembrance ceremony. No one has seen my son except for immediate family at the hospital. The pictures from the hospital do not do him justice. He looks sick. Blue. Tiny. I will share him with you.

Baby steps, Liz.

Love and Light,
Liz

Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (5) | Permalink

HOORAY FOR MOD!

Sep 02, 2011 04:13pm (EST)

Ha! I just realized in the past 5 minutes Share has an instant messaging system....Thanks Stacy!

MOD still amazes me, I just got my Sears gift card from my MOD walk. YaY!

Also, the new $39 dollar, 39 week campaign!

Marchforbabies.org/toriandmikey

Love and Light,
Liz

Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (4) | Permalink

MY, HOW TIME FLIES...

Aug 30, 2011 07:43pm (EST)

I keep getting choked up for no reason today. With all of the trials and tribs I've been through when it comes to babies, I can truley say I'm blessed. I know my son, who would be 8 years old, starting school, being a kid is looking down on us and smiling. I know he would be so proud of his little sister who is almost 2, now. Two? This time is 2009, I knew I was having a horrible pregnancy. I knew, my child wasn't growing. I knew my child was struggling. I knew, I had to hand EVERYTHING over to God and continue on with my non-growing belly. Boy, am I glad I did. This girl is the strongest little girl I've ever met. I'm not just saying that because she is my daughter. 1lb, 1oz. 11 inches long. How can such a tiny package be the largest gift I have ever been givin? How can this tiny, petite, little girl have no issues concerning her health, at this point in time? How can this tiny, little person be so smart and actually know what's going on in her tiny, little world? How is her imagination so in tact that she has tea parties with the dog and tickle-me-Elmo? I will never understand how I was blessed to have one here on earth and one in heaven? How did my Father, my God, know which very tiny child of mine I could keep and which one He could take? I'm not dwelling, I'm not depressed about this fact...I'm curious.

Now to why I'm really here. This past weekend My husband and I took our daughter to the Pittsburgh Zoo to not only see the animals but to also meet up with her NICU BFF and family! It was absolutely amazing to see the two girls side by side. We will call the other little girl Kenzie. Tori came into the NICU last week of September and Kenzie came in the first week of October. Kenzie weighed in at 1lb 5oz, Tori 1lb1oz. These two babies were in the NICU for the longest amount of time, the two sickest, smallest, anything you can think of...We, meaning Mike and I and Kenzie's parents west through it all. We made true friends out of this family. I hope someday, Kenzie and Tori will be Penpals or very good friends, to say the least. I say penpals because Kenzi's mom got life flighted into Pittsburgh from a surrounding state due to a level 111NICU.

When families go through something like this and come out on the other end of it with two healthy, let alone living kids it's a true miracle! Some pictures of our miracles. Tori is in the plaid skirt outfit.

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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (4) | Permalink

TORI AND MIKEY!

Apr 20, 2011 02:08pm (EST)

www.marchforbabies.org/toriandmikey

Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (1) | Permalink

LIFE IS GOOD! (UPDATE)

Apr 18, 2011 09:45pm (EST)

Here we are.

I am good. I've fully accepted my insides will not allow me to have another child.

I am extremely blessed with two. One in heaven, one on my lap.

I have to remind myself Mikey is looking down on his little sister, guiding her through her tiny little life. Her ups and downs, sickness's, hospitalizations, crawling, walking, laughing.

Our March for Babies is coming up in 2 weeks. Look for us! Team Tori and Mikey is making a name for themselves. We've got shirts, banners, hats and serious DONATIONS! (The most obnoxious, bright, limegreen, shirts, banners and hats) Why, you ask? We will be the boldest team of 30+ walkers in bright green in the mix of thousands of other walkers.

My daughter is a true blessing. 17ounces, 11inches long, eyes still sealed, thighs so tiny my wedding bands fit all the way up to her hip. This my friends, is a serious blessing.

Now? Nearly 20 months, 16lb's&6oz's, 27 1/2", bright eyes wide, starting tumble tots(baby gymnastics) next week, babyandme storytime at the library tomorrow, physically and developmentally on target.

We are blessed.

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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (2) | Permalink

Sep 01, 2010 03:26am (EST)

I don't know what word to use.

I'm not obsessed. I do get depressed. I do get sad. I do want to cry sometimes for no reason....which could be depressed and obsessed.

I know what it is. It's pity parties for me. 3 people invited, me, myself and I. My own party to pity myself over something that happened in 2003. C'mon Liz...You are better than this. You used to be the funnest person to hang out with, always giving the good advice, the logical advice, the advice that normally got people through thier day.

I can't seem to do this for myself. How odd is that? I used to have a fun life. I used to laugh. I've just got myself to smile at strangers again. It's to the point it is interfering with my marriage. I'd rather stab my eyes out than try and have a conversation about this in fear of being told to get over it or stop dwelling on the past by his family members. Life would be so much different had Mikey stuck with me back then.

I'm not even a nice person anymore. heh. I'm disrespectful, sometimes out right mean. I don't have many friends, I really don't like people--I hate people that don't understand. That's alot of people.

I used to be the nicest person, the guy that makes everyone laugh. What happened to her? She's underground with her son who's on top of my mom? Yes, my son is buried on top of my mother.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not like this all the time. I don't sit at my computer at 11.14pm at night and cry and have my 3 person pity party.

I'd give anything(except Tori) to have 1 hour with my son and my mother. Take them to a steeler game. Go sit in the park? Anything....nothing.

That's all I have to say about that.

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Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (4) | Permalink

CHUCKLING...

Jul 29, 2010 11:15am (EST)

You know I sit here and laugh and swear out loud, because 2 times in under 10 minutes I've managed to spill my coffee on my crossed pj legs and keyboard. Why am I laughing?

GOOD MORNING MOD'ERS!!!

Well, Helmet head, or shall we call her brain incubator, Tori's head doesn't smell at all with these new holes in it. Interestingly enough, he took the majority of the padding out yesterday to let her head grow in all different directions now. Slightly exciting to me. No more stinky foot head.

Finally-RAIN! What a light show last night, it was like fireworks in the sky! Tori's first Crackle of Thunder that shocked/scared her enough to tears, and my husband saying to me "That's the first smile I've seen in a long time" When I say, "hurry honey, let's go look at the lighting before it rains!!" Shove Tori in her spin around chair, run outside(I don't run), stand in the front yard, starts to sprinkle then it was like niagra falls in the matter of seconds....
We run back inside(this time I ran), and I say "That was the stupidest idea I've had in a long time." Laughing as I said it.

Love and light friends,
Liz

Posted by liz loschinskey | Comments: (2) | Permalink

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