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JESSICA'S JOURNEY WITH 27 WEEK PREEMIE TWINS

MommyOfSeven

May 2013

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TRINITY SUPPOSED TO COME HOME FRIDAY

Sep 26, 2012 01:55pm (EST)

So now that i have tristan home I have been waiting patientl for his sister. She has been on week to week watch due to spells and thats the only thing holding her back. Every week they tell me she is coming hom but then she has a spell, she has gone 9 days without one and then the 10th day before she was supposed to come home she had another one. i was upset but i took it as a sign from god that she was not ready, i got over being upset about it because i would freak out if she did that at home. I have plenty of experience with it though, she has turned blue while i was holding her a couple times and the nurses just watched as i tried to make her remember again. So this friday i will be able to take her home if she does not do it before then, im really nervous about bringing her home more then i was with her brother because of the spells. Just praying that everything will be ok.

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TRISTAN IS FINALLY HOME AFTER 66 DAYS

Sep 23, 2012 01:59pm (EST)

So yesterday I brought Tristan home. on my way to go pick him up I almost got sick to my stomach from all the mixed feelings. Leaving Trinity there was such a terrible feeling. she was supposed to come home last Saturday but had a spell the day before then she was supposed to come home yesterday with Tristan and had another spell the day before. I broke down in the NICU fir the first time in front of nurses. I asked them not to tell me when they think she will be coming home. so anyways the car ride home was so crazy I just stared at him the whole time. he was due to eat as soon as we got home and did not eat well the first time. he seemed exhausted while eating and only drank 30ccs when he usually drinks 60-70 ccs so I was so nervous about that bit this morning he is doing much better. Its so weird how I feel. in a way I feel like I was just given a baby. the natural reaction to take care of a baby has come and gone a long time ago. its not the same as having your baby right by your side from the day they were born. I'm just now learning him and growing a bond and its such a crazy feeling but I love it. in a little while we are going to visit Trinity. I can't wait to see her. one other problem I.am having is I can't tell if Tristan is hot or cold. I'm constantly taking his temp. I am so paranoid.

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TRISTAN COMING HOME WITHOUT TRINITY

Sep 06, 2012 10:35am (EST)

Well I have not been on here in what seems like forever. I have been going through medical issues myself but now I am ok. well its almost 2 months since I.had my 27 weekers . They both now have early ROP. trinitys is worse then Tristans . I know this is very common but it also makes me very nervous, all I can think about is my babies could possibly go blind and that will tear me apart if they don't ever get to see. I love them so much and there eyes are what makes them so beautiful. Tristan will be coming home any day now. he is 4lbs11oz and just started drinking his whole bottle while being in a open bedcrib. Trinity won't be coming home for another couple weeks because she is a little behind. her red blood cell count went down to 19 which is extremely low but is slowly coming back up. she also feeds from a bottle but still has occasional spells. I'm very nervous to bring Tristan home, he is.so small still and I feel like the loudness from my home where I have 5 other kids braided the twins will bother him. I won't be used to not having the monitors on him. constantly making sure he is breathing ok. I'm a wreck right now when I should really be happy. if anyone has any experience with ROP or bringing there preemie home while they are still so small I.could really use some advice.

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HOLDIN TRISTAN&TRINITY

Jul 30, 2012 10:07pm (EST)

Today I can honestly say I am happy. I've prayed so much and will continue to pray. I feel like its making a change. today me and my husband went up to visit and got more great news about trinity. She is no longer under a warmer. she is controlling her own body heat right now. so no I.vs no nasal canulla. she is wrapped up tightly in a black and so far so good. Tristan looks amazing and is breathing well again. he would look even better without the nasal canulla but he doesn't have any I.vs either which is great. they are 2 weeks old tomorrow and right now they are 30 weeks gestation. as far as me...I am doing much better, sometimes I get a weird feeling through out my body and feel sick sometimes but it goes away fast. my husband is feeling the effects of the situation a lot later then I did...sometimes he looks very stressed out and worried. but I just want to thank everyone so far for there support and advice. it helps a lot

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TRISTANS DOING BETTER

Jul 28, 2012 01:52pm (EST)

So its been a couple days since I posted. I was beginning to feel sick due to all of the stress and took a couple of days to relax. Yesterday I didn't get a chance to see my babies which was very hard but i got through it somehow. I called this morning to check on them both. Tristan is breathing way better since they started antibiotics and have him on the nasal canulla. He has a couple spells but always brings himself back out of them. I'm hoping he continues to improve. Trinity is doing amazing the nurses said. She isn't on anything but the moniters and feeding tube. Tristan and Trinity both are tolerating the donor breast milk they are both up to 13cc in feedings. Trinity is under lights for her jaundice which she is under almost everyday I go up there. As for ME I have been doing much better emotionally and trying to stay positive. Sometimes I feel a nauseous feeling which I think is due to separation from the twins. Sometimes when I'm doing something like chores or taking a shower I feel like i heard a baby cry as if they were here but then i snap right out of it. This whole journey so far is hard to deal with, even the process of going all the way up to the hospital can get tiring but I will feel terrible if I didn't go everyday. When I missed seeing them yesterday i felt a horrible amount of guilt and it feels like i didn't see them in weeks (even though they weren't born yet)

keeping my spirits high though and praying for the best

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TRISTAN HAD A SET BACK

Jul 26, 2012 03:01am (EST)

So i have been feeling a lot better these last couple of days until today. I went up for my morning visit which went well. My mom got to hold Tristan for the first time and then i went back later this afternoon for my brother and sister in law to meet my babies. When we were there we noticed that on the moniter Tristan was breathing faster then he should but he seemed comfortable and fine our whole visit. Just about an hour ago we got a phone call from the hospital which means bad news. They told me that Tristan's chest is filled up with liquid and he may have an infection in his lungs and if that doesnt work then he will be put back on cpap...i feel so upset right now because they were doing great and i felt great because of that and now he is taking a steo back. Sometimes i feel like God is testing me, im not sure how much more i can handle, its very overwhelming to deal with and words cant even describe the way i feel. Maybe i should always expect the worse instead of thinking positive...

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PRAYING FOR A GOOD DAY

Jul 24, 2012 02:46pm (EST)

So yesterday was terrible. Hopefully today goes a little more smooth for me. Besides me waking up to my 11month old son that took off his diaper and doodoo everywhere and my husbands sucky attitude towards me i think i can move past that and just worry about going to see my babies. Its so hard when you feel alone in all of this...my husband never brinngs up going to see them and seems to have continued his normal life or unimportant things like video games, hanging with friends, and drinking a beer or two. I just feel like everything is on me, housework, taking care of my other kids, appointments for my other kids, etc..... i will update again today to tell you how the babies are doing....praying for a good day and good visit.

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SUPER AGGRAVATED

Jul 23, 2012 08:06pm (EST)

So today I went up to the hospital to see my babies for my usual morning visit and this would be my sisters first time seeing the babies, the drive is 45 minutes long. When we get there i saw a lot of doctors over by another set of twins. The nurses come over to me and told me i would not be able to stay because they are about to perform 2 surgeries. I felt really bad for whatever surgery the babies had to get done but i was also upset i just drove all the way up there to see my babies and now i had to leave. I dont feel relieved now...usually when i get the chance to spend time with them it makes my whole day better and now i feel stressed out and aggravated. So then the social workers hands me 2 papers to fill out for the babies to recieve social security to help me with expenses, i was to fill them out when i get homo and bring them back. So i get home, and notice that my husband hadnt done anything to help around the house while i was gone like bring the laundry baskets upstairs since they are piled up from us being gone so long, the dishes from the night before from when he cooked...just basically he didnt do anything but play video games since i left which made me mad so i asked him politley to bring the baskets up and he gave me an attitude... so that pissed me of extremely and i just proceeded to fill out the paperwork i needed to but needed his Social to finish it and he wouldnt give it to me...i know he eventually would of after he calmed down but it pissed me off so i said just forget it and threw the papers in the garbage.... he still hasnt asked how the babies are doing and at the moment while im stressed out he is upstairs listening to his music very loud having a party by himself. Its making me more upset by the minute because i feel like he doesnt even care right now about the babies. Im so sorry for this post, im just venting right now because im so aggravated.

Posted by MommyOfSeven | Comments: (5) | Permalink

FEELING REALLY DOWN TODAY

Jul 22, 2012 03:08pm (EST)

So its been 5 days since my babies have been born and in the NICU. I am still feeling very separated from them. I cant even describe the exact feeling that i feel...i guess the best way to describe it is "Empty" i cant seem to get my day started, i've just been walking around the house not even knowing what to do. My kids want to play games and want me to watch cartoons with them but i cant seem to even sit still to do anything, my mind cant stay focused, sometimes i dont even know what im thinking about. I try so hard to get back to myself but i feel like my life will never be the same again even when they come home. Right now im just sitting outside crying and i feel so alone. My husband seems to be taking it way better then me. Last night he had some friends over and they played pool hung out and shared laughs together and i just cant understand how he can do that knowing his babies are in the hospital fighting for there life. I think to myself "Does he even care?" I still havnt taken my hospital bracelets off because in some weird way i feel like it brings me closer to them when i cant be around. I called last night to check on them because i couldnt make it up for my nightly visit which really aggravated me and they said that they are doing just fine which made me feel good but its still nothing like seeing them and touching them or holding them. I just miss them constantly.

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27 WEEK PREEMIE TWINS

Jul 22, 2012 03:26am (EST)

I have been having difficulty posting...i had wrote a longer detailed post but it never went through. Well my name is Jessica, 7-16-12 i gave birth to my twins boy and girl Tristan and Trinity at 27 weeks. My water broke july 9th on twin A which was Tristan and i stayed pregnant for 7 days after my water broke. I must say that 7 days was torture but i still would of wished to stay pregnant longer for my babies. So far since they have been in the Nicu my babies have been doing wonderful. They were taken off of cpap the day after they were born and now there not even on anything to help them breath, there breathing on there own...only thing they have is PIC lines to give them nutrition and the monitors on them...once in a while my girl Trinity will have spells which is when she zones off and forgets to breathe but all i have to do or the nurses is rub her back to get her to realize it. Me on the other hand, im not doing so good. I feel so empty without them with me. i have 7 kids total including them but its so hard to enjoy my other children right now and i try to hard to be more involved with them. Every once in a while i will cry because i want to be with them all the time but they are 45 minutes away and its not so easy to get there often. I am thankful that they are doing great but i am always worried that they will have a set back. They are so beautiful and i picture them in my head constantly, my husband actually reminds me of my boy, they are identical, so when i see my husband i see my baby boy...its actually really funny because im white and my husband is black and my twins came out so different from eachother, my baby girl is white and my baby boy is black. i heard that is very rare to happen but i love it. Anyways it feels good to write about what im goingt hrough i am so thankful they made this site, i feel for a lot of woman on here because some situtation are a lot worse then mine. this is a great place to come together. I would love to hear some good advice or just any similar stories

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