I gave birth to my beautiful daughter, Alexia-Mae at 23 weeks plus 4 and only had 2hours with her

Welcome to Share. I am so sorry for your loss. This is a great place to find comfort and healing from other moms that have been there.

Katie

Hi, welcome to SHARE. There are a lot of mommies on this site that know what you are going through. I am so sorry for your loss of your Alexia Mae. My best advice is to take it one baby step at a time, that is how I am making it through. I'm trying to focus on one hour or day at a time instead of the long term, it's just too hard to think long term. The "what ifs" and the "nevers" are the worst. I lost my twin girls Emilyn and Hailey on November 30, 2009 after going into preterm labor. We are here for you when you need us, you can send me a message any time.

I am very sorry for the loss of you little girl. Unfortunately, there are other parents here that know the loss you feel. I hope you find comfort on Share as you begin the healing process.

Kristyn

I am so sorry for your loss and know the pain you are feeling. I lost my twin boys, Tristan and Gunnar on Dec. 20 and Dec. 23 after going into preterm labor two days after a routine exam showed that my cervix was dilated and effaced. I had been to the dr. the day before because I had an unusual discharge, but as there was no infection, I was sent home by the PA in the office with no special instructions. I went about my usual business only to learn the next day that it might have been a show, which is what I was afraid of when I went in. After my first son was delivered and died, my dr. thought I may be able to keep my second, at least long enough for him to develop enough for a chance at survival, but after developing an infection, I lost him too. I too wondered what if IV antibiotics had been administered before I developed the high fever. The nurses made me try to deliver the placentas naturally, and by the time my dr. did a D&C I had lost so much blood I had to have a transfusion before the procedure could be performed. I could have died, too, and was weak and unwell for several weeks after coming home without my sons. It is so easy to go back and see places where maybe something could have been done differently, but I have to believe that my doctor and the hospital staff did all they could or I would go insane. There is no guarantee that if something would have been done differently that things would have turned out better for Alexia-Mae or for Tristan and Gunnar although it is tempting to think so. For me, an important part of moving toward a better place has been to focus on all that was done to help me. If you really believe there was negligence, however, I would consult with someone, maybe a patient advocate at the hospital, to get answers on how to proceed. I hope that you can move past the heartaches of 'what if' and move toward moments that hurt a little less. My heart aches for your loss, as it does for my own. Sending healing thoughts your way.

I lost my daughter at 21wks on 9/8/07 she was 14oz and she was suckling and her heart was beating, I was rushed to surgery after birth because I almost bleed to death. My fiancee held her and she passed in his arms while I was in surgery. I blame the obgyns who cared for me and hospital staff. I had premature labor with my son and was hospitalized at 6mths in 97, I was 4cm dialated with no pain. I went to a apt and ended up in the hospital. But this was ignored, I have a kidney disease and still no need for alarm I was seen monthly instead of every two weeks. I spotted through out my pregnancy I was wearing linners and was told this was normal. I gained 30 lbs in 3 months I was told this was normal and it gets worse at my last apt they discovered I was diabetic and they ingorned my complaints of pressure in my pelvic area they did not perform a ultrasound to check. And this was friday I delivered the next day saturday. I called the ob office becaused I was doubled over with pain and I had a gush of blood. They directed me to go to the emergency room instead of labor and delivery and I waited in active labor for 2hrs before someone came for us when I got to labor and delievery they did a ultrasound and told us there was nothing they could do. They had numerous interns in the room who kept asking us if we had sex numerous times. They did a 24hr urine while I was in the hospital and it was normal. I double checked and went to see my kidney doctor and he agreed. When I had my 6wk apt, the dr lied and said it was my kidneys and I should adopted or get a surrogate and went on to tell my they have one in the office and this will happen everytime I concieve. She had not spoken to my dr at all. My kidney dr assued me that carrying and healthy pregnancy is possible in fact he has treated women with transplants who have had healthy pregnancies. I am currently 23wks preg and I am a patient at unc hospital I have cervical incomp and had a cerclage at 18wks. People who care makes a difference and the squeaky wheel get the oil so if you have to be a royal b^*#!@ if that is what it takes, question authority and "professionals" I have researched so much about my health issues, it is impossible to ignore. If anything I suggest courses of action if the doctor doesn't mention it.
It is terrible that people go to work to collect a check and peoples lives are in their hands. But this has been a good experience so far. Don't give up bless you and your family.

Welcome to SHARE. I lost my baby boy eight days after he was born. He was born at 28 weeks. He died on December 19, 2009. The pain is unbelievable, I am so sorry for you loss. I still struggle with the fact that we will never bring our baby home on a daily basis. I hope this site helps you, it has helped me and I have found some very good friends here.

Thinking of you,
Kat

hi all, thank u so much for ur replys. i have hospital on tuesday to go through my notes with 1 of the midwifes that looked after us, i need to see my notes to get things straight in our minds we have still got questions that need answering and i know they can answer them. I know i was suppose to of been put straight on antibiotics through drip wen i got there as ive previously had group b strep but they didnt do this. I think they know they did wrong because i have seen the letter the consultant wrote to the doctors and he is saying i was put on antibiotics as soon as i was admitted but its a lie because i wasnt, wat are they trying to cover up i think they know they messed up and i cant let this lie till ive found out the truth. i need closure so i can greive for my baby girl. thank u all x

Becky,
I'm so sorry for your tremendous loss, and I can certainly identify with the pain of what you are going through. Our stories are very simular. My son Joshua was also born @ 23 weeks + 4 and weighed 1lb 4ozs on Feb. 18, 2007. I was in the hospital 3 days before developing an infection which we later found out was ecoli. Joshua lived 95 days, however the question always come up in my mind " was everything done to save this precious life?" I have decided after almost 3 years now that I would be the voice for Joshua and help other families who are experiencing what I have already experienced as well as be an advocate for our preterm babies. Was your baby put on a respirator? There is a book called "Grieving the child I never knew" by Kathe Wunnenberg it helped me tremendously you may want to check it out. If there is anything I can help with please let me know.

Myra

I know how you feel.It took 3 trips to the E.R. for the doctors to figure out that I had a bad kidney infection.I stayed in the hospital for 2 days and was sent home with antibiotics.Two days later,the hospital called me at home and told me I also had a strep B infection.My water broke the next morning & 1 week later I lost my son.I was 20 weeks pregnant.I honestly feel that if they would have done test for infection the first time I went to the hospital,then maybe things might have been different.

Hi Becky it is so sad hun a similar thing happened to me . We lost our Brianna Rose at 23 weeks i had a little bit of discoloured discharge and then a little blood in my urine. I didnt even know i was fully dilated or in labour until i got to hosp and they did a internal and they said they could feel membranes and that i was in labour. I was put on a drip given anitbiotics and steroids to help improve her lungs etc and was given some medicine to help stop the contractions. After 12 hrs i gave birth to her breech and she was breathing and her heart rate was faint she died in our arms 2 hrs later. they said to me they think an infection but i wont know until the 18/2/10 when i see the obst for my 6 week check and hope they can answer some questions i have. It def is a very very sad time and i really miss my little girl, take care. Did you end up getting an autopsy done? did they do any tests ? thinking of you love "snappa" my name is Amy xxx

hiya. it is a awfull thing to go through, it hurts so much. i had swabs done and that but everything came back negative due to antibiotics. did they give u steroids, they wouldnt give me any as i was 23weeks and 4 days, they reckon i had to be 24 weeks they are useless im putting a complaint in to the hospital as i dont think they did enough also my consultant didnt tell us everything wen went back for my check up. he didnt think it was important to tell us that they found blood clots on the placenta i had to ask to c my notes to find out everything myself... its ba. it sounds like u experianced exactly the same as me, it would be nice to keep in touch and if u dont mind me asking,, would u let me know how u get on with ur answers from the hospital.. take care speak soon becky xxx

Ashton Michael Middleton May 12, 2009
2009 began as a wonderful year in January, when Molly found out that she was pregnant. Southwest airlines was also running a fantastic flight special, so we booked a two week trip to Seattle and Vancouver for May, when Robert was finishing his current project.

On February 5th, we had a doctor's appointment, where we heard the baby’s heartbeat and found out that his due date was September 8th 2009. On February 20th, we went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans and had a great time visiting friends, watching parades, and going to the Bacchus and Orpheus Balls. Robert found an Alaskan cruise on sale at the end of February, so we scheduled the cruise during the time of our trip to Seattle and Vancouver.

On May 5th, we flew to Seattle, and then drove to Vancouver. On May 6th, we left on our 7 day Alaskan cruise. The first port we arrived at was Juneau on May 8th; where we went on a 6 person Whale Watching tour. After the Whale Watching tour, we had fresh King Crab legs at a shack on the dock. On May 9th, the ship cruised up Glacier Bay National Park, and we were able to get some amazing views of the glaciers. We arrived at our second port of Skagway on May 10th; where we rented a car and drove up the Klondike highway into Canada to look at the mountains, glaciers, and wildlife.

On May 11th, we arrived at our third port of Ketchikan, AK, where we visited the shops and bought some souvenirs to bring back home. Later that afternoon, while we were in a shop across the street from the cruise ship, Molly had to go to the restroom, and felt a gush of water down her leg.

We immediately went to see the cruise ships doctor, and they quickly determined that her water had broken. They called an ambulance and within 15 minutes, we were at the Ketchikan Hospital.

Because Molly was only 23 weeks pregnant, they gave her medicine to prevent any contractions. Since the Ketchikan hospital was not equipped to handle deliveries this early, they called the Air Ambulance Service and we were airlifted to Seattle, where we were taken to the Level 3 Neonatal center at Swedish Medical Center, which is the best facility in the region.

Later that evening after we arrived at the Swedish Medical Center, they did an ultrasound and it showed no reason for Molly’s water to break. Fortunately, Molly had stopped leaking fluid, and there was enough fluid to continue the pregnancy. The doctors told us that they had some patients that had even been able to get to full term before delivery.

The next day at Noon, they did an amniocentesis test to determine if there was any infection. If there was an infection, they would have to induce labor. Everyone was praying that there would not be an infection, and that we could stay at the hospital in Seattle until Molly delivered at full term in September. Molly’s mother Patsy, and sister Maura, were able to schedule a flight to come up on the next morning.

While we were waiting on the results of the test, Molly started having contractions. Within 15 minutes of the first contraction, they had to rush her to the delivery room where Molly delivered our son Michael Ashton on the evening of May 12th, 2009.

Because he was only 23 weeks old, and the birth had happened so quickly, there was nothing that the doctors could do to help him. Our little angel, Ashton Michael was with us for about 2 hours before he passed.

Marv Heston, a professional photographer with the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation came and took some wonderful photographs of Ashton Michael before he passed.

The doctors, thankfully let Ashton stay with us until we left the hospital the next evening. Fortunately, we had also purchased travel insurance for the trip, and they arranged for our flight back to Houston, as soon as we left the hospital.

Welcome to Share. I am truly sorry for the loss of your baby girl. I know there is nothing that I can say to make it hurt any less, but know that we are all here for you. Share has been the only place where I can truly express my feelings and not be judged. I lost my son nearly a year ago (last March) and it still feels like it happened yesterday. I had a situation where I wasn't monitored properly either and was a high risk patient. It hurts to know that I will have to live with this pain and innocence lost for the rest of my life, but talking to other moms on the site has been the BEST thing for me. I hope that you find support and strength here. All the best to you and your family as you journey through this difficult time.

Hugs,

Lindsay

Hi Becky that would be nice to keep in touch i would like that. Yes they did give me steroids i had about 3 lots i think they said it would improve her lungs etc, i was just 23 weeks. My obst is pretty sure that it may be an infection, but they wouldnt say till they check placenta etc . We decided to do an autopsy and check her organs etc was the hardest decision but i know that my little Brianna Rose would want me to find out what may be the cause. They did say that sometimes they just dont know why! Did he say the clots on the placenta was the cause? Did your placenta detach itself? I know they said my placenta was all good as far as they could see. I didnt talk to much to them and admitted myself out within 10 hr after birth. I just couldnt be there with all the babies being born. I will def let you know the results when we find out. Are you going to try again ?????? I think i will its weird i just really cant wait to hold and cuddle one again, i really miss her take care amyxxx

Hi Amy, Silly question but how are you?
They wouldnt give me steriods cos i wasnt 24weeks, they reckon u have to be 24weeks over to be able to have them i was 3days off they had nothing to lose as they knew that alexia-mae wouldnt manage due to her lungs. My placenta was still attached but it was as greeny colour but they said that it could of been alexia-mae opening her bowels.... I didnt choose to have a autopsy on her as they knew it wasnt nothing to do with her it was me she was healthy and had really strong heartbeat everything was great just her lungs wat made it hard.. if i knew there was a chance that somethig could have been wrong with her or something then i would of done, that is the hardest bit knowing there wasnt anything wrong with our little angel. Its not easy wat ever but if there was problems or complications then u could understand abit more but wen u know there wasnt it makes it harder if that makes sense? I couldnt discharge myself due to dangerously high temperture and being on drip they kept me in for 3 days but i was in the nightingale suite so was away from the ward bit in a private room with shower own kitchen etc it was still hard though but we had our littl angel with us all the time she was in a tiny room right next to us but we was allowed her in our room... We actually took her home for 2days after left the hospital which helped alittle having time on our own with her then we saw her twice aday afer that at the funeral directors even the morning of the funeral we saw and gave her a kiss she didnt change 1 bit from the 6th dec to the 21dec.. still beautifullll We are trying again, we could never replace her never but ive not got that baby in my arms that i long for, i would give anything to have my baby girl in my arms but i know i cant. I will never understand why, its just something u can never understand. Where abouts are u from. Have u got any other children ive got a 6 year old. Speak soon Take care hun xxx

Hi Becky i live in adelaide SA, thanks for the reply. I dont have any other children Brianna was our first. They said there was nothing wrong with our Brianna nor me and they say sometimes there are no answers. I decided to do an autopsy in hoping they might find something to help others. I have had a really bad week i have gone back to work and its good and bad, my husband and I have been fighting a little nothing serious i just think its hard for both of us. We have had a lot go wrong of late and is prob just getting to us. In nov 09 our home got flooded by a freak storm and we were knee deep from front to back, then on dec 2 09 we lost our home and everything in a fire, then on dec 31 09 we lost our Brianna. So our lives are a bit how do you say it Not Good!!. So we are now in the process of thinking of building a new home the only other problem is that we were underinsured and we still have a mortagage on the home we lost. Since looking we have found out its so not a cheap thing to do so we really dont know what to do. I just wish there was some light at the end of the tunnel. But seriously sorry you dont want to hear my dribble sorry hun, so take each day as we can hey? what i would do to hold my brianna again. Its so good you were with your bubs for a while. We were for a few hours but after she died i just couldnt hold her, my husband was different he wouldnt let her go. I dont know why i was like that i dont handle death the best after loosing my dad when i was 24yr. So not long and i will find out more re any probs etc thanks for the chat hope i havnt made you think im a freak he he take care xx Amy

Hi Amy, sorry to hear all of that, sounds like u been to hell and back. You and ur husband have got eachother that is the most important thing at a time like this, supporting each other is good. You will argue hun, me and my fiance have been bickering a little but over really stupid things like cleaning a kettle and that but u look back on what u have been arguing bout and realise how stupid it is. What we have all been through is a horrible thing but aslong as we keep talking somehow we will get through it, as they say there is a light at the end of the tunnel its just gonna take time before we see it. I dont think ur a freak and if u need to talk im here. Take care hun and keep me posted. Ive started a blog on here under photos of our little angel, have a look if u feel up to it. Speak soon x x x